Strategies to Battle Resistance to Care and Reach an Acceptance of Help

It can be so hard to ask for help sometimes, especially when you get older. It's natural for a child to need help making their lunch, but an adult, who has done this their entire life, has a hard time accepting that they could, or should, no longer do so for themselves. Change can hurt and it can be scary. Our aging loved ones are going to reach a point where they will need us, and our help, more and more. You will inevitably meet resistance to care, if not in entirety, to any changes that limit a person's independence.

So, how do you convince your loved ones that it's time to accept outside help with their day-to-day activities? Why are they so resistant? Are there any words, or strategies, that will help you discuss the issue? How do you even know when it is time to have this conversation?

How Do You Know When It's Time?

You will notice that many aging symptoms come on slowly, while others can hit you right in the face. Loss of hearing and cognitive decline usually appear subtle and increase in intensity as a person ages. Falling can happen all of a sudden and have many causes. These same causes can be the reason behind a car accident or surprise medical emergency.

Trust your instincts. If you notice any sign of cognitive or physical decline, even in the beginning stages, it may be time to begin a conversation directly, with tact, to help your loved one get used to the idea. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Is your loved one able to physically get around the house AND the yard well, or do they need help on uneven ground, stairs, or simply walking, period?
2. How is their memory and awareness of reality? Are they easily forgetful or distracted?
3. Do they understand their limitations and are they able to organize medications, make appointments, or recall previous plans and conversations?
4. How are YOU? Is taking care of your loved one harming your mental or physical help?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, then it's most likely time to ask for assistance. Unfortunately, many times, your requests will be met with resistance from your loved ones that seem, to us, to be about pride. But we are not talking about pride, we are talking about dignity. To understand their worries, sometimes we need to read between the lines.

The Real Reasons Behind Resistance to Care

Your loved one may seem to be resistant to approving outside help with their daily activities. It may seem to you that their refusal is due to stubbornness or denial to acknowledge their aging. But what if it's more than that? This is their home and their safe space. It's a part of them, and they should be a part of it for as long as they can. Establishing an evolving care plan will help ensure that your loved one can stay independent and in their home.

Perhaps their home is the last place they saw their late spouse? Did their children grow up there? Are they resistant to new people and to change? Have they become sensitive, or afraid, of their own decline? Unfortunately, a person in the midst of aging can go through a form of grieving that's personal and hard to explain to others.

Privacy and autonomy are important to all of us. Loading the dishwasher may be a chore to a teenager, but the job is second-hand by the time we reach our golden years. Allowing someone else to come into our homes, our space, to do that for us takes options away and encourages a belief that the person helping you feels that you are incapable.

When dignity and safety are a concern, keeping your loved one in their home for as long as possible is the best way to go. There are strategies that you can employ to help you discuss aging with your loved one while keeping them home, where they belong.

Strategies to Take You From Resistance to Care to Acceptance

The most important thing you can do for your loved one is to determine exactly what help they actually need and try not to cross a line by taking something away from them that they can still do. For example, maybe they can still do the dishes, but cooking is precarious due to a distracted mind. The point is to keep them as mobile and independent as long as possible. This allows them to retain their dignity while accepting help.

Begin any transitions slowly and start small. Your loved one should be calm and in a good mood before having a discussion of this magnitude. Don't tell them what will happen, but give them options. For example, ask them what time is best for them to have a visit from a companion or an in-home aide. Are there things, such as bathing, that they would rather have your help for? They need to know that they still have power over their own lives.

Pick your battles. Some issues are more important than others. For example, you may feel that your grandfather needs help bathing, but Grandpa feels that he only needs help getting in and out of the shower, insisting on washing himself in privacy. Instead of fighting, take a minute and think. The person who helps them in and out of the shower will be right there, close by. Grandpa deserves that privacy for as long as possible.

Introduce any staff, such as visiting nurses or in-home companions or aides, little by little. Perhaps you will want to add on to their responsibilities slowly. Encourage a healthy and playful relationship between your loved one and all of their caregivers. Before you know it, resistance to care will turn into acceptance.

Accept Help From Senior Helpers

Contact us at Senior Helpers in Knoxville, Oakridge, and Maryville at 865-293-5900. Our compassionate and energetic teams are fully vetted and trained to uphold dignity over convenience. Our hope is to share those extra touches that us from helpers and aides to friends and family. Your loved ones are always in excellent hands with us.