Episode Transcript:
A Note from Our Producer:
JB Ambrose: Welcome, my name is JB Ambrose and I am the producer of the Life Conversations podcast here with a special note. This month is Alzheimer's and Brain Awareness Month. And as a part of the Senior Helpers Shine Bright initiative, we are thrilled to shine the spotlight on the incredible work of P.K. Beville, the CEO Emeritus and Founder of Second Dream Dreams and the Virtual Dementia Tour.
With the help of our fabulous hosts, Christina Chartrand and David Chandler, we recorded an insightful and touching conversation with P.K. that we believe deserves to be shared in full. But to keep our episodes within our usual timeframe, we decided to split it into two parts. So make sure to stay tuned for the second part of this episode, which will be dropping later this month. Without further ado, here is part one of our conversation with P.K Beville
Christina Chartrand: This is Christina Chartrand and David Chandler with LIFE Conversations. So good to have you on today's podcast. We have a very special speaker here today. Actually, I would say a friend of mine as well. This is P.K Beville. She is the founder of the Virtual Dementia Tour, which we'll talk a little bit about what that is. And more importantly, Second Wind Dreams, which is an amazing organization that I actually just saw on my social media. They provide dreams for seniors. And P.K, I believe what I saw was someone that was on a hot air balloon. Is that correct?
P.K. Beville: Yes, yesterday. Yeah. How exciting.
Christina Chartrand: Exactly. So, we are so excited to have her here today to really talk about Alzheimer's and dementia, because this is Alzheimer's and Dementia Awareness month.
We want to talk about that. But also want to talk about, you know, there are so many interesting tools and information that's in resources that are out there to really help families really understand what dementia is all about. But I've seen nothing like the Virtual Dementia Tour to really pull together and have people experience and then I mean truly experience what it feels like to be in mid -stage dementia. So P.K, we're so glad to have you.
P.K. Beville: Thank you, Christina. And yeah, we go way, way back, don't we, sweetheart? We do. Working with Senior Helpers over the years has been a real treat for us. The franchisees have been real supportive of our work with Virtual Dimension Tour. We've made some dreams come true through Senior Helpers over the years, so we're very appreciative of our partnership.
And of course, being a friend of Christina, we have laughed till we cried over some things and it's... Christina actually was a certified trainer. She was one of the first of the franchise owner conglomerates that did that. And so we hit it off pretty quick.
Christina Chartrand: We did. We absolutely did. So to catch people up, to people understand, because we're talking about Virtual Dementia Tour, tell me, P.K, tell me a little bit about, well, your educational background, which I think is fascinating, as well as how the Virtual Dementia Tour came about.
P.K. Beville: OK. Well, thank you. I don't think my educational background could ever cover what it took to take care of my father with vascular dementia for four years in our house. And he was legally blind and also deaf from being a gunner in World War II. So,I can tell you about my education, but it ain't nothing compared to having everything from anticipatory grief to fearing that I would walk in on him passed away in his bed at our house.
So, I'm afraid so, but nobody prepared you for that. And, and so, but I have an undergraduate degree in clinical psych from Georgetown College, which is outside of Cincinnati small school. And I have my master's degree in clinical side from Eastern Kentucky University, and then I have my PhD from Brentwick.
It was fun to do the PhD because I am a psychologist and a sociologist and most of those programs are from a nursing perspective, which kind of tells you that we're starting to shift a bit from that medical model to that social model and we’re starting to get a bit of a collaboration more strongly between the two, and that's a beautiful thing.
I'm a Certified Elder Care Mediator and an end of life doula, as well. Yeah. So, I like school.
Christina Chartrand: You do like school. Actually, David and I were just talking about, end of life doulas and we were, we're fascinated with it. So, we'll have to bring you on a different podcast to talk about that.
P.K. Beville: Well, I would love to because we just launched the Dementia Doulas program through Second Wind. And yeah, it's pretty powerful stuff and it's badly needed, obviously, because people are dying with dementia and nobody knows what to do and the family doesn't even like to be there. So, your people are having to deal with this a lot. It's about time they get the tools.
David Chandler: Yeah, that's awesome! P.K— It's such an honor to have you on our show today. I'm curious, for our listeners that may not be as familiar with Second Wind Dreams and the Virtual Dementia Tour, can you tell us a little bit more about what this is? And I'm really curious to know how you came up with the ideas to create these wonderful programs.
P.K. Beville: I think most of that is Spirit -led. So, you know, I, I gotta be clear about that. I can't think this up on my own, but God takes care of drunks and fools and I show up on both of those scales. So that's, that's what basically happens. Also surrounding myself with good strong people.
The way that the Second Wind happened was I was a psychologist in nursing homes, back when that was unheard of. So, I created a cabaret test because there were no assessments back in the early to mid-80s on, and yes, I'll be 71 this year, so we have to move past it. And so, one of the assessments was asking the question on the geriatric incomplete sentences test, "I wish..." and they came out with some of the most incredible things. "I wish, to see the grave side of my wife." "I wish I could have a steak dinner." "I wish," and you know, I'd sit there and think, “How doable is this?
And then the second question was, "How does the future look to you?" And almost every single one of them said, "Good!" "Great!" and here they are in nursing homes in not-so-great shape, and yet their fortitude in the face of the end of their life was incredible.
So, after thinking about it and cogitating and all that kind of stuff, I realized, yeah, it should be a movement to try to make these things happen for them. They built our roads and our schools and got us where we are today. And just because they're not product producing doesn't mean that we should turn our back on them. And so, first dreams were easy because, you know, asking people for help—
And you know that's one of the things that I learned pretty early... People want to help us, they do. They just don't know how. So, when someone is in a nursing home, they don't even know how to breach that threshold. So, teaching them ways to communicate with those in nursing homes and discover their dreams. We have a "Dream Discovery Form." I did a study on the types of dreams and all that kind of stuff and believe it or not, "Dreams for Fun" is the largest category of dreams we make come true.
So, the hot air balloon that happened yesterday in Georgia, you know, there's one, I can't remember how old, do you remember how old she was in the news clip? I don't, I don't. Well in her 80s. So, we do a lot of dreams all over. We have membership and I believe it's 46 states in our country, and the virtual.
So, so I have the dreams and that started happening fundraising was a booger, but people were willing to help make the dreams come true and that really was the point right? So, so still casing and gnashing of teeth about whether I should continue because the money just wasn't coming in the donations weren't coming in So I went back and started working on my PhD and that's when...
It just was almost like an epiphany. I struggled so hard with "Why can't people understand that a person with dementia doesn't need to be yelled at? Why don't people understand that pulling and tugging on them is going to get a catastrophic reaction? What is it?"
So, it finally came to me somehow that, well, the reason is that nobody has it. Nobody that's caring for them actually has it. We've all been children, we get that. Teenagers, yep. Young adults, we got that too. Divorces, sure. You know, all those things we can identify with, but we're asking people to care for people that they have no reference point with.
While that was a great idea, trying to make it happen became its own monster. So, I studied how the brain dies and the different areas of the brain that are affected most commonly in people with dementia. And then I studied what that part of the brain is responsible for and the behavioral output from that part of the brain so that I knew then that what I needed to do is figure out a way for a normal person.
I don't know anyone on that spectrum, but somebody does to make that. Need to figure out how that feels. So, so I create components that we use to help as closely approximate what it might be like to have dementia as possible.
It's an implosive type of thing. We don't usually share what's about to happen with people. We let them know they're here for a simulation and it's about to mention, but we don't share all the the parts of it. And the person is sent into a room alone and asked to do things and then they come out and we've gotten every range of emotion from you know, falling apart, to wanting more, more information, give me more, to wanting to get more therapeutic help for their grief.
So yeah, so it's in 24 countries now and it's in, I can't, I don't know right off hand, I think it's nine different languages and about four and a half million people have been through the tour and we're updating it all the time. It continues to change and meld.
Yeah. So that's how that happened. And then there obviously that created the donations I needed to keep the dreams happening. Because I just donated the VDT to Second Wind and that way that took care of that big problem. For the most part, I mean, you know, any nonprofit that always needs help with donations and all of that, but yeah, to grow. But yeah, we're doing all right.
Christina Chartrand: Yeah, I think it's fascinating and I'm sure you do, David as well, and you've experienced— and I obviously I've experienced from both ends from being someone who has gone through it. I remember the first time that I went through it, but I also remember, you know, when I was starting to learn about doing it and to observe people that are in that space as well.
What I'm amazed by is what you have what you have captured is not only what it feels like and you want so much to get out of that space, right? You're eight minutes in this space and you just want to get out because it's uncomfortable to be in it.
But from a visual perspective, watching somebody in that space and all of the different things that they're doing, right? The things that they're acting out and they're doing. What I was just blown away by was those are the same things that you'll see many folks with dementia do as well, like, and you're wondering why they're doing that.
With, you know, agitation, hoarding things, you know, pacing, talking out loud, all of those things that you were talking about was, it's an amazing experience. So, I would totally say for anybody who has that in their area anywhere near them is to go through it.
P.K. Beville: That's a good marketing tool. You know, when you think about it, of course, that used to be hard for me to say, but these days it's actually smart for a company to be able to have something like that available to the community to help them feel comfortable with it and then have a good debrief happen that aligns that public with your company. It's it really shows expertise and things like that.
David Chandler: Yeah for sure I think Where would someone go if they wanted to find a local? Where could they go and take part in the Virtual Dementia Tour? How would they how would they find that?
P.K. Beville: The best way to do that is to go to our website at secondwind.org and go to the part that asks you if you want information and just type in their places for the Virtual Dementia Tour.
We also have a list on our website, but we have a more up to date. If you, you know, give us a quick email or we didn't give you where it is.
And of course, Senior Helpers does the Virtual Dementia Tour on a regular basis. So, you know, you guys are welcome to put that on our website as well.
Christina Chartrand: So, I want to talk a little bit about the dreams and I love how it all started out. I didn't really, I didn't know that story that it started from when you were doing nursing care and the I wish, you know, I love that. I wish dot dot dot and kind of thing. So, thinking about all the different dreams… The Virtual Dementia Tour I know helps as well funded, but you also reach out to other folks as well, don't you, to help fund these dreams?
P.K. Beville: Well, yeah. Our dream members are have a couple of ways to make the dreams come true. We teach them how to network with the outside community to make the dreams come true. You know, and how to ask for what they need.
But if they can't make it happen, we also our members have a way to go into a portal on our website. And actually, you would see dreams that are listed on our website that need funding.
But they have to have shown us that they already made an effort to get that funding. And our donors can then go pick a dream on our website that they want to make come true. And when they do that, then that money goes directly, we write a check right to them. And with the understanding that they're going to get us pictures back of the dream happening and that we can share with our donors. Yeah.
David Chandler: P .K., could you share a couple of your favorite dreams that you've ever fulfilled?
P.K. Beville: Yeah, you know, that's like asking me to talk about my children. You know, yeah, I can.
So for me, the most moving dreams are the ones that are so simple. And that without that simple dream, their life is not in a good spot.
So, one that got me was a gentleman who, when we did the Dream Discovery Form, all he wanted was a cup holder for his wheelchair. And you know, I don't know about you guys, but, you never think about how something as simple as that.
So, I chatted with the nurses, and they said that because of his disease and the medication that he takes, he has to stay hydrated. And he can't really, he was bound to his room because he couldn't be hydrated when he would leave to go to an activity or anything like that.
So, this poor gentleman, that's all he wanted! And you know, I think being a nonprofit also helps because I just went to one of those, you know, those stores that have DME kind of stuff going on. And I just walked in and said, do you guys carry cup holders for wheelchairs? And sure enough, they did and he donated it, and I said “Well while I’m here let me get two,” because you never know. And sure enough we put that cup holder on that wheelchair and that precious man was so excited just incredibly excited and if you notice on our our social media feeds.
I usually will put on there, there's that dreamer's smile. They have a smile that, you know, we did a hot air balloon yesterday and that dreamer's smile, the whole face, it's just incredible. So, turns out that this guy ended up being the president of the resident council and he got real involved in what was going on and that one little, see, those are the ones that makes you go, what are we thinking when we don't do this all the time? What is it?
Another one, that is more on the societal spectrum… So, I got some award in New York and they have this big hoopla, and these flower arrangements that they had in the room were unbelievable. They were just huge and some of the most exotic flowers I had ever seen.
And so after they did their whatever it is, I said to the head person there, “What's going to happen to these flower arrangements?” And they said, she said, "Well, I guess we'll put them on the different floors for the staff to enjoy."
And I said, "Can I ask if you could possibly donate these to the nursing homes later?" This is in New York City on the 5th. “Any nursing homes around here?” And she said, and I quote, "There are no nursing homes in Manhattan."
And I said, "You know what? Really funny and hard to believe. Would you give me a minute and check that out? And if I come back and there are nursing homes right around here, would you mind donating these to those nursing homes?" She got a sheepish grin on her face and she said, "Well, I guess so." I still didn't feel like I had a commitment.
So, I went and checked it out. Sure enough, there were like six nursing homes within a five-block radius of that big nursing home. I went to her assistant. And I said, "You know, I don't believe this, but there are, you know…” I gave the addresses and all of that, and about two hours later, I saw them going out on a gurney. So not a gurney, what do you call those rolling things that, you know, I saw them going out.
So sure enough, I checked with a couple of the nursing homes. They did donate all of those flowers to the nursing home. They did. Good. That kind of mindset that we really do need to work on. Yeah. So that was a favorite of mine. And that kind of thing happens in corporate America. Good. They just don't realize what they've got.
Christina Chartrand: So one of the ones that I experienced with P.K, I believe you were there, because I was in Georgia— I was there for some meeting.
But the dream was for a woman who I believe used to work at Krispy Kreme or worked at a donut shop. And she wanted to be a greeter and always wanted to be a greeter, the the donut greeter— Like you would come in, “here's a sample of a donut!” And so it was a big surprise... She came in and they gave her a uniform and they gave her tray of donuts.
And talk about this big smile! You are right. It's a smile. And she was beaming. It was so fun. It was fun. I think everybody else gets something out of it as well. I think there is joy in this, you know, providing a dream. It's not just only for obviously the senior with the big smile, but all the people around them that are seeing this joy and this this wonderful experience.
P.K Beville: Yeah, good point!
JB Ambrose: Hey everyone. This is JB again! Thank you so much for joining us for this enlightening conversation with P.K Beville. We hope you found it as inspiring and as informative as we just did. Remember, this is just part one of our conversation. Be sure to tune in next week for the rest of our conversation where we'll continue to shine bright on P.K Beville and her impactful work with Second Wind Dreams and the Virtual Dementia Tour. Until then, take care and keep shining bright for Alzheimer's and Brain Awareness Month.
