As our parents' age and need living assistance, it is often up to us, their adult children, to step in and help. In an ideal world, it would be a time of family unity, where all siblings offer mutual support, equally share responsibilities, and strengthen their bonds. But that is rarely the case.
About three-quarters of older adults needing care receive help from only one adult child. They provide most of the day-to-day caregiving or financial assistance. It often starts by taking more and more tasks until a pattern is set and they shoulder most of the responsibility.
Caring for an elderly loved one alone is a complex task that can be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. Coupled with other factors such as denial, old rivalries, and feeling left out, this stressful situation can lead to conflict and tension whenever siblings come together.
Suppose you face unequal responsibilities for caregiving for a senior parent, which has created tension between you and your siblings. This guide will show you how to resolve the tension during the holidays or otherwise ensure the holidays go smoothly.
Consider Underlying Issues
In many cases, if you and your siblings struggle to work together or agree on how to share responsibilities, it indicates underlying issues. Looking to the past can provide clues as to why you are struggling to work together so you can resolve the tension or at least be civil during the holidays.
Although each family is unique, some of the common underlying issues that can lead to disagreements about caregiving responsibilities in Evansville include:
Unhealthy Sibling Relationships
In many families, disapprovals of actions or lifestyle choices, dislike for another's personality, and other issues like favoritism are present before the parent ages. During disagreements, this stressful situation can highlight and remind the siblings of past rivalries and issues, which may make it hard for them to work together.
Denial
Some siblings may avoid caregiving responsibilities because they are in denial over their condition. The primary caregiver can react with anger and bitterness to the one in denial.
Different Perceptions
Siblings may have different opinions about the type of care the parent needs and where they will reside. Without considering all options, it may lead to conflict and tension.
These issues can make it difficult to decide how to share out caregiving responsibilities. Some siblings may feel like they are doing too much and others too little, and others may feel left out and want to help more.
Communicate
We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. So, when you lash out because you are drained from handling too much responsibility, your siblings won't understand how complex taking care of your parent is. Similarly, when they refuse to share responsibilities equally, they could be doing it unwittingly, but you can never know unless you communicate.
A family meeting is an effective way to work out conflict. Have an in-person or remote sibling meeting and, if possible, involve a third party, such as a therapist or counselor. To ensure the meeting is productive, here are some tips.
- Set an agenda and stick to it
- It should be a rule not to bring up unrelated issues
- Share your feelings instead of making accusations
- Share what you feel everyone should contribute and why
- Consider all material factors, such as income, schedule, etc.
A family or one-on-one meeting can resolve all issues and ensure fair caregiving responsibilities between adult siblings.
Share the Caregiving Responsibilities With Senior Helpers Evansville
Communication is key to the fair sharing of caregiving responsibilities between adult siblings. But before the meeting, consider whether there are underlying issues that could manifest as difficulty working together.
In some cases, though, there is no way out. And as much as you would like more help and other siblings would want to help, factors like geographical distance, finances, and inflexibility can make it impossible. In that case, you should consider in-home care for your senior parent.
If your parent lives in Evansville, Newburgh, Mount Vernon, or Boonville, Senior Helpers can shoulder some of the responsibilities for you. We help to provide caregivers for non-medical in-home care to help your parent live independently. We can assist your parent with activities of daily living, offer companionship, and care for parents living with chronic illnesses.
Contact us today to learn about our home care.