In the United States of America, over 53 million people are caregivers for either an adult or children with chronic health conditions or disabilities. This figure accounts for one in five Americans, and will only continue to grow as the population of the country ages, and more numbers of older adults will require at least some assistance to maintain their quality of life.
There are various reasons that family members will take on the role of a family caregiver. For many people, they want to make sure that their loved one is able to live at home for as long as they possibly can, or the cost of an assisted living facility is beyond their budgetary means.
What family caregiving can lead to is the caregiver setting their own life aside, perhaps for a period as long as years, and instead dedicate themselves to caring for a loved one, cooking for them, tracking their medications, taking them to and from their appointments, and more.
Not all feelings of grief come from death. Many caregivers, especially family caregivers, will experience anticipatory grief while their loved one is still with them. For caregivers of people with dementia, there are unique challenges faced. It’s common to witness behavioral and personality changes in your loved one that you find distressing. They may exhibit strange behaviors such as
- Hoarding of objects
- Sundowning, exhibiting behavioral changes in the late afternoon and evening
- Becoming agitated, angry, depressed or confused
- Displaying new or unusual sexualized behavior
- Not recognizing or remembering you
- Repeatedly asking the same questions
- Neglecting their personal hygiene and appearance
- Wandering out of the house, becoming lost
Changes such as these can cause you to grieve the person that you remember them being, or feel the absence of the closeness that you once shared.
Grief is personal, and no two journeys of grief will look exactly the same. You may have been caring for a parent who you once experienced an immense closeness with, or you may be caring for a parent that you had a tense or conflicted relationship with, which will undoubtedly add a layer of complexity to your feelings of grief. Perhaps the person you’re giving care to is a spouse, and now in addition to grieving you must learn to navigate life on your own.
Self-care can be a valuable component of your journey through grief. Doing things like journaling, lighting candles, meditating, being in nature, or taking up a new hobby can all be healing when grieving someone. If you’ve found yourself neglecting your own health due to your caregiving, maybe set aside some time to make health appointments of your own and catch up on concerns you may have with your doctors.
Support groups are a great way to connect with others who are also going through the same thing as you. Even though your own grief and experience of it is unique, your experiences will undoubtedly overlap in some ways, and the shared struggles will resonate with each other.